Until I Come Undone...

Until I Come Undone

Every tear I cry leaves a painful trail of unwanted nightmares that stain my innocent skin
Wiping them away only delays the inevitable, as the trail will return the next time I think of you
You consume my every thought and spread an unrelenting illness which owns my subconscious
Even if there was a cure that could rid me of your memory, I would choose to live with your infection

Day after day, the sickness will stay with me
Day after day, I inch closer to death
Day after day, this disease feels like fire
Day after day, I will continue to offer myself, piece by piece, until I have nothing left

And when I am gone, when my life is no more
Remember these words when you're in need of a smile...

I will unravel myself for you
May my thread hold you together in your times of need

Follow The Leader...

"Fear is the greatest educator, for only in terror do we learn of our true selves."
- Me

I think it's sad how the human race can walk this earth not even knowing who they are. Your minds are a slave to the trends while society acts as your mother, raising you to blindfully follow the fad you call "cool". Society molds the way you act; keyword, ACT, for who you really are, nobody knows.

The way you present yourself is an insult to your true personality, as you are doing nothing but putting on a show in order to fit in with the other sheep. The clothes you wear, the music you listen to, the stores you shop at, the cars you drive, the food you eat; you lazily copy everyone around you, preventing yourselves from developing a mind of your own.

Quit worshipping what you think others want you to be and think for yourself for once. Stop being afraid of yourself. Society doesn't give a fuck about you, yet, you'll do just about anything to please it. Why are you so willing to trade in your individuality for a false sense of belonging? All of the people you are trying to impress don't really like you, they like who they think you are; the character you portray.

Your whole life is a trend. In fact, you probably haven't had an original thought or emotional impulse in years. You do nothing but morph yourself to blend into the forefront of society, providing yourself with daily makeovers in order to fit in with the ever changing crowd...but, that's not you.

Behind closed doors, you are the hardass thug who cries at a sad movie. You are the demonizing bully who writes sappy poems of love and romance. You are the weekend whore who regrets every fling. You are the depressing emo kid who paints pictures of sunny meadows and glistening rainbows. Sadly, you are also the only one who knows this.

Why do so many people wait until they are looking death in the face to unveil their true colors? It isn't until you experience darkness that you decide to reveal your light. Time is precious, so hear my message before it's too late...

YOU are beautiful; shine on

New Year, New Life...

I haven't posted anything in a while, so I felt like I should. I have just been so occupied with some things and writing has honestly slipped my mind for the past few weeks. I haven't been super busy with "doing" things; rather, I've been been occupied by "thinking about" things.

Lately, I have come to the conclusion of what I am going to do with my life. I've been battling with myself on what I should do and what would be best for me. Well, I found the answer...

I am going to quit my job at the end of the year. Earlier last night, I booked a bus ticket to go back to Cleveland for a Christmas visit, which will begin on Christmas Eve, so I will be quitting my job before then. Once I quit my job and enjoy some time with my family back in Cleveland, I will return to Chicago and look for a job that pays me an adequate weekly salary. I honestly don't care what that job will be, I just need money. I am sick of getting my ass kicked at work for 80+ hours a week and bringing home a joke of a paycheck. Money doesn't make me happy. Work doesn't really make happy either. So, fuck it. I'm going to get a job that pays me enough money to pay my rent and hopefully a little more, so I can save up a bit. Once I establish what job I will be working at, I am going to put myself on a strict daily routine in order to achieve my main goal as quickly as possible. That goal...

MUSIC

I am going to practice my guitar playing for a minimum of 2 hours a day. I don't care how tired I am and I don't care what else I have to do that day; I will be playing guitar and practicing for at least 2 hours every single day. While I am practicing and continuing to get better, I will study and perfect the art of writing and reading music. I will study harder than I ever have before and I won't give up, no matter how grueling and mentally exhausting the process may be.

(I also plan on working out again. I'm uh, a little, how do you say, "out of shape"...??? So, I'm going to get back into my baseball workout routine and reclaim my health.)

I have a 3-year plan which I have set for myself and at the conclusion of those 3 years, I plan to have a band put together that will hopefully be good enough to begin touring. I don't care about money and I don't care about fame, groupies or TV appearances. I just want to play some fucking good music, entertain people all over the world and help them escape from their shitty lives for a few hours each night. In turn, they'll be helping me escape my shitty life, as I'll be playing my songs in front of people who want to hear them. That's all I want. I just want to be able to reach out to just one person and put a smile on their face. Even if it's just one person and that smile is just for one moment, I'll know that my music was what put it there. That's all I want from this.

I'm tired of living for other people and as of January 1, 2009 I will be living my life for ME and nobody else.

On a slightly different note:

My mom has been really upset lately, because this will be the first Christmas my family will go through without my grandmother; my mom's mom. My grandma died not too long ago and Christmas was always her favorite time of year, so my mom has been taking it kind of hard recently. She has been crying everytime that I've talked to her on the phone because she feels like Christmas will be really lonely, as my grandma won't be there and I'll be here in Chicago...or, so she thinks.

As I mentioned before, earlier last night, I booked a bus ticket to go back home to Cleveland. I surprised my mom last year by going home for Christmas, but this year will be a bit different. This year, I'm not going to tell my dad either. He was the only person who knew I was coming home for Christmas last year, but not this year.

I am leaving on Christmas Eve (day) and I will be arriving in Cleveland around 4:30PM that night. My dad has the day off and my mom works until 6PM that night. But, by the time my bus arrives, I transfer to the local train and get onto the "Circulator" (which is a neighborhood bus), it will be well after 6PM, so my mom will be home from work and both of my parents will be sitting there...all alone. So, I plan on walking from the last bus stop to my parent's house, which is only a few blocks away. Then, I'll knock on the door (hopefully when they're eating dinner, because I want to be "that guy"), my parents will come to the door and...SURPRISE!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I don't know why, but I'm really excited to surprise my mom. I'm even excited to surprise my dad because, well, he's kind of hard to surprise. He always seems to know everything, which makes it hard to surprise him. But, NOT THIS YEAR!!!

Christmas has always been a very enjoyable time of year, but I've noticed that ever since I moved away from home, I enjoy it even more. I guess it makes you appreciate your family when you don't get to see them but once or twice a year.

Happy Holidays!