Does It Really Matter What I Type Here?...

I really shouldn't be alone right now. I'm feeling extremely unstable and I'm not in a good place. I know that I don't have a choice and that I'll be alone whether I like it or not, but I guess that typing on this pointless blog somehow makes me feel like someone is listening, even though nobody is. I don't know...

I'm beginning to hate again and I don't like it. I don't hate in the sense of anger of disapproval; I hate because I don't want to do this. I don't want to have to go through life, busting my ass and getting absolutely nothing in return. No money, no support, no warmth, no comfort, no friendship, no love...nothing. Seriously, why wake up? Why go to work? Why bother? Because I'm "supposed to"...because "that's life"...??? What kind of bullshit reasoning is that?

The last few days have been bad; really bad. I don't know where this all came from, but I've been trying to fight it away, only to fail. Fail...that's a word I'm used to. I fail at everything I do. I make no money. I have no friends. I have no girlfriend. Fuck...if I was 16 again and somebody told me that my life would be like this when I was 27, I wouldn't believe it. Well, believe it little old me; your life fucking sucks and everything you could've been doesn't mean a fucking thing now. Sure, you could've been something great, but you're not. You're a poor, lonely, beat down 27 year old loser who doesn't really give a shit about anything. Way to go. Way to put all of that so-called "potential" to use, you loser.

Guitaring...

I just got done practicing guitar for a while and I thought to myself...

"Hmm, my fingers hurt..."

Then, it made me think of Happy Gilmore, when the old lady complains that her fingers hurt and Ben Stiller makes her pull landscaping duty. Ahh, good times.